Yesterday was supposed to go down in history as the first day the state of California could issue marriage licenses to all couples, regardless of their sexual orientation. The decision on the stay to remain until the next court date of December 6th has been received with mixed emotions from both sides of the issue. I have to admit I was not surprised but extremely disappointed. I even had a hard time forming into words how I felt about it until I saw this:

Kathy Griffin Sticks Up For Same-Sex Marriage On Larry King Live

The video wasn't what spurred me, but it was the first comment by a woman named Marilyn posted at 11:09am:

August 18th, 2010 11:09 am ET

I don't understand why they need to "get married". They can live together... they can buy a house together (just make sure paper work states if it's 50/50 or 40/60 etc), they can name the other as insurance beneficiary, they can assign the other all things in their will, they can even adopt a child and name both as parent . For what reaons do they need to "get married"? If they both are employed, they will get their own social security, have their own health insurance. I just cannot think of any sound reason why they feel they NEED to get married. I could not care less except that making same sex marriage legal undermines the sanctity of what marriage should be...between one man and one woman. So stop trying to make me believe otherwise!

Wow!! I read this several times (at 12:20pm it was the only comment posted), but this is how I read it:

August 18th, 2010 11:09 am ET
I don't understand why THEY need to "get married". THEY can live together...THEY can buy a house together (just make sure paper work states if it's 50/50 or 40/60 etc), THEY can name the other as insurance beneficiary, THEY can assign the other all things in their will, THEY can even adopt a child and name both as parent . For what reason do THEY need to "get married"? If they both are employed, THEY will get their own social security, have THEIR own health insurance. I just cannot think of any sound reason why THEY feel THEY NEED to get married. I could not care less except that making same sex marriage legal undermines the sanctity of what marriage should be...between one man and one woman. So stop trying to make ME believe otherwise!

I don't think Marilyn even bothered to watch the video and only wanted to express her opinion on the issue. If she did, I don't think she watched it remembering it was not too long ago when bi-racial marriages were illegal and everything was "separate but equal." History has taught us that "separate but equal" is anything but equal. Ask someone that would be considered a minority to share their story, their parents' story, or their grand-parents' stories about "separate but equal" and they will tell you they were treated as second-class citizens and it was not equal. Reading Marilyn's comment made me think there were probably many comments like hers made to local newspapers in 1967.

As for the sanctity of marriage, I think the National Organization for Marriage has done a fabulous job at bringing back an old phrase that hearkens to the days when marriage was considered a sacred bond. Today more marriages end in divorce than don't, domestic abuse is at an all-time high, infidelity is normalized, and more children are being raised by just one or neither parent than every generation before ours. Is marriage without same-sex marriage really sacred? My parents divorced when I was 21, my husband was raised by a single mother until age 7 then sent through the foster care system until he was adopted by a single man. I know few people of my generation whose parents are still married than a generation before. I've even seen a few of my generation go through the throes of divorce. I also know a lesbian couple that have been together almost 30 years finally take the vows of marriage on the steps of the San Fransisco Courthouse shortly before Proposition 8 passed. I know several wonderful, loving, stable same-sex couples who are raising children and are actively involved in my daughter's school. Are the successful same-sex relationships less valid than the broken heterosexual ones?

I think the problem lies in the inability to separate church and state. In the church, marriage vows are sacred promises made before God and witnesses. They are solemn vows that have changed very little (depending on denomination) since they were original given. Marriage vows are history, traditional, holy even. According to the state (whichever, pick one), marriage is a legal contract. Nothing more. I recently learned that most courthouses in Los Angeles county no longer perform civil ceremonies. It's all paperwork now. This is why there are so many people like me that have been ordained to provide those that don't wish to or cannot get married in a church with a beautiful and personal wedding ceremony that honors and validates the commitment between the couple, their friends and families. And I'm talking about heterosexual couples that may have been divorced or from different religious backgrounds that prohibit church ceremonies, not same-sex couples.

Religious fringe groups are trying (and pretty successfully) to merge church and state, but the state is trying its best to keep separate. Case in point: in the case Perry v. Schwarzenegger California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger agreed that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional and the burden of proof laid on the defense to come up with how same-sex marriage would cause physical or emotional harm. Judge Vaughn Walker determined the defense was unable to provide the proof, and thus ruled Proposition 8 unconstitutional.

Now I understand how many Californians are outraged that they voted to pass a measure and their votes were taken away by the government. However, I doubt 55% of those voters (women) realize they would not have that right to vote if the Nineteenth Amendment (Women's Sufferage) had been left to popular vote in 1920. The rights of others should never be determined by popular vote because history has shown that voters usually vote to suppress those rights. The LGBT community is not trying to re-define marriage like NOM asserts. It's a state thing, not church, and marriage is not the same as civil union. This is a fight for equal rights under protection of the law. So Marilyn, same-sex marriage does NOT undermine the sanctity of marriage. Legally, it strengthens it by providing a contract with the same benefits and responsibilities. This will also increase tax revenue for the state, and revenue for small businesses (including mine!) in the wedding industry. But bottom line is I feel ALL "NEED" to get married because I was granted that right without question because I fell in love with someone, committed myself to him, and took the legal steps to join in legal matrimony, and EVERYONE should be allowed to do so regardless of their sexual orientation.

Lately I've been at an impasse.  Even though I have only written one submission, I have found I don't have much to say that relates to being a wedding officiant.  I have joined several social media websites (Facebook, Twitter, and several wedding-related sites) but have not found many people like myself.  In fact, when I searched for "Wedding Officiant" or "Minister/Pastor" on any of those sites, my profile is the only one that came up on several of them.  I guess that can be a good thing - untapped resource and all, but I really didn't know what to do with it and I still didn't know what to say...

That was until today.

I came across a blog from the Huffington Post by John Shore titled "What Would Jesus Do If Invited to a Gay Wedding? " Intriguing title, no?  I mean, after all that has happened in the past year here in California with Proposition 8 and the rest of the country going back and forth on the same-sex marriage issue, this blog is sure to strike a chord (disharmonious for some) in us all.

Now, I'm not going to take this opportunity to expound Biblical references to make that point; Mr. Shore did just fine by me. Mr. Shore was debating whether or not as a Christian, if he should attend a few gay weddings he had recently been invited to.  His inward debate resulted in 244 comments at last count.  I wonder if he had anticipated such reaction...

There is also a debate of what kind of man Jesus was.  I think Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code created quite a controversy with the possibility that Jesus had been married and...OMG had children.  My husband and I have even had discussions about who Jesus was and is in relation to today's social norms and expectations.  I've come to the conclusion that Depeche Mode was right - we each have our "Own Personal Jesus."

Anyway, I can't help but think of the possibilty that my Jesus indeed attended a homosexual union.  Since there is evidence of such marital relationships in Roman times, why not Biblical times?  And just because it isn't written in the Bible doesn't mean it didn't happen.  Shore's blog says basically the same.  Jesus surrounded himself with theives, tax collectors, and even a protitute, but it was the Pharisees who used God's law to judge and punish other that really ticked him off. To quote Mr. Shore:

"Around Jesus you can whine, lie, shift your loyalties, be late, be greedy, be too ambitious, be stupid, be a coward, be a hypochondriac, constantly complain, fall asleep at every wrong moment -- you can do nothing right, and it won't in the slightest way seem to offend him. But you put dogma ahead of empathy? You transmogrify God's law into a justification for denying God's grace?

Then ... yikes, man. Then you've got yourself a problem no one wants."

He decided to attend the weddings, by the way, because he realized it is the right thing to do, as he would expect people he invite to attend his special events.  But I think it's more than that.  Because our culture de-values marriage and there are so many couples that refuse to marry out of fear of divorce (which has increased 200% in the past 20 years), I think it even more important to support and bless ANY adult couple that has decided to take the lifelong vows of commitment to one another.  Marriages fail most of the time due to lack of support.  After being married to my husband for eight years, I still seek support from my family and close friends, which I don't see ever ending, as my mom also seeks support from her family and friends for her marriage.

So in answer to Mr. Shore's title question, I think yes, Jesus would have attended the wedding, danced the night away, and would have probably brought the wine!

How it all started...

It was 2002 and I was caught up in the planning of my own wedding when I got a call from a dear friend and sorority sister Michal who was also planning a wedding.  They were planning on having a civil union (at the courthouse), but didn't like the impersonal nature of it.  As we talked, she said they had scheduled an appointment at the local courthouse, but she wasn't looking forward to a stranger just going through the motions for them.

I recalled a recent episode of the TV show "Friends", where the character "Joey" performed the marriage ceremony for another couple on the show.
 I didn't know it at the time, but Michal was searching the web to find out what it would take to get me ordained.  She ended the conversation by saying, "Ok, you're now ordained and YOU are performing our wedding!"

None of us were sure if my "ordination" was legal, so we arrived at the courthouse an hour early to talk to the registrar about the legality of online ordination in the state of California (different states have different laws).  We were told that if I received all the necessary paperwork from the church I was ordained from, it was legal.  We ran out of the courthouse and searched out a location.  As we searched, Michal called another friend and her brother to meet us once we determined where.

This wedding took place with a total of five people present.  None of us knew what we were doing or what we were really getting ourselves into, but it was a magical day with lots of laughter, a few tears, and if I remember correctly - a bongo drum.

I can't believe almost eight years have passed since that day.  Life has definitely happened for everyone there that beautiful day.  They are still very married (in case you were wondering).  Michal is now a doctor of linguistics and Ezequiel is well on his way to having the title (Dr.) in front of his name, too.  They recently moved to Boise, Idaho when Michal accepted an Assistant Professor postion, and I miss her immensely.

I got married two weeks after I married them.  I've also had two kids and performed several ceremonies but sporatically.  My friends and family have been encouraging me to take this opportunity and run with it, but it's always been more of a hobby than a career.

I performed a renewal ceremony for a national cable network while I was six months pregnant.  I was pulled out of work shortly after for pre-term labor and returned to my full-time (and unfulfilling) job eight weeks after my beautiful baby girl was born:

 I lost my job eight weeks later.

No worries, though.  If I hadn't lost my job, I would have never made it to this point.  I am a true believer in the fact that when one door closes, God opens another door.  I'm finally ready to walk through that door... now if I could just find that bongo drum...